My Destiny: the lesson of my year

One night near the beginning of last summer as I lightly braked for a red light, I prayed desperately within the confines of my car, “God, is songwriting my destiny?” “No,” came the disturbing reply.

In that moment, as the unexpected answer echoed in my heart, I hurriedly questioned everything. Was that God? If it was, why the heck had I spent the last eight months going door to door selling cd’s from the trunk of my car? Why had I put so much hard work and time into something that I wasn’t even meant for?

Right before the red glare of the traffic light faded to green, God followed His “No” with three words- “I’m your Destiny.”

Over the course of my churchgoing existence, I’ve heard many preachers say things like, “God will help you fulfill your destiny,” “God wants you to get a vision,” and many other quotes that seem to downgrade God into being a stepping stone for each Christian’s great success story.

I’ve had big dreams throughout my life. I wanted to play basketball for a Division I college and ultimately for the NBA. Obviously, neither happened. I spent hours playing in every type of weather, including snow. No matter how hard I worked, God wouldn’t back it.

I gave up basketball, and now, I know that I’m meant to be a songwriter. And this year I had some big dreams, but they weren’t always God’s dreams. When I started the year, I was gonna sell 10,000 cd’s. I sold 2,000. I was gonna raise $35,000 for my Airwaves & Envelopes Kickstarter project. I raised $567. I was gonna win a Folger’s video contest with Ben & Allie. No dice. I was gonna have a tour set up for the winter. I don’t. I was gonna get a record deal. I didn’t.

I know God directed me on my journey as a full-time singer/songwriter to fail. He wanted me to go to American Idol tryouts in California and be cut. He wanted me to sell cd’s door to door, mall to mall, and salon to salon and end up broke at the end of it. He wanted me to try my hardest and reach for the things I desired the most and fall short. There’s one thing I’ve learned through all the facebook advertising, salesmanship, travelling, many failures, and small successes.

God is My Destiny. And because I’ve made Jesus Lord of my life, it’s not my striving that’s gonna get the job done. It’s His timing.

A few weeks ago, I finished selling cd’s door to door. On Thursday, October 14, I sold 41 cd’s to hairdressers at every salon in Kalamazoo, MI. After two years, I’m out of cd’s and out of money.

The last few weeks I’ve paid my bills by selling stuff that I don’t need and working on a drop ceiling in an office building with my girlfriend’s dad. So, after a year of living the dream, I can’t really call myself a full-time singer/songwriter anymore. For a few days, I was admittedly disappointed, and I laid in bed extra long wondering if I had wasted a year of my life chasing something that would never materialize. “After all,” I thought, “maybe I’ve screwed this up because I didn’t hear God’s voice clear enough.” I knew there had been brief moments where I did my own thing and ignored God.

As I prayed alone and whined a little bit, God said, “You can’t make it happen. I’ll make it happen. I’ll give you the platform.” God always speaks the exact words that I need. After He said that, I gave up. Turns out, I learned again that giving up is the best thing to do with God. Give up and put your life and dreams into the arms of your Heavenly Father. He cares more about the desires of our hearts than we do.

After a week or so of throwing in the towel, I felt God prompting me to call my sister and ask her if I could send her a worship song that I had recorded last year but hadn’t released. She’s working with her friend Eunice on a huge event called The Global Day of Worship, and I felt like God wanted me to ask them to air a song of mine on their worldwide broadcast. To my surprise, they instantly agreed.

I told them I’d make a video, and within three days, Rhino Media Productions in Kalamazoo, MI agreed to film the music vid for no money up front. A few hours ago, I sent in the final edit to for a worldwide broadcast. It all happened so quickly.

I’m currently raising 750 bucks on to make sure the guys from Rhino Media get paid in a timely manner. God gave me this worship song after the “Destiny Experience” at the stoplight, and some of the verse lyrics claim inspiration from Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love.

If you want to be apart of this experience with me, I would really appreciate you partnering with me financially to fund this music video. The song is appropriately titled “My Destiny.” If you feel moved, contribute. If not, that’s cool. If there’s one thing I’ve learned- this is God’s project, not mine.

Click Here for Fundraising site and video:


6 thoughts on “My Destiny: the lesson of my year

  1. The tension between trust in God and being assertive is a very real and human one that I can certainly identify with. I would insinuate that this has been true throughout the history of the saints of old and continues to the saints of today. I liked what Rich Mullins had to say on the topic:

    So, brothers and sisters, godliness with contentment is great gain, indeed. God has called each of us to the time and place we are at so that we might reach out to Him then and there. He has already given us each a stage in our own unique context. May we take things a step at a time, daily do quiet work with our hands so that we can take care of those in need, and seek to bring fame to God in our Christ-like way of life.

    In the insanely profound words of Augustine: “Love God. Do as you please.” This fleshed out will rock our world. Looking forward to continually learning more on this topic in the years ahead with you, Rob. Keep treckin’.

    • Hey David, I hope you get this reply. The Lord spoke something very specific to me yesterday. Your comment very specifically confirmed that. Thanks for taking the time to write and send that comment. It was a word spoken in season. I look forward to learning with you too, David. You’re a good brother.

  2. Why do you call me good? Is it because of my name? In that case, you are forgiven.

    No, but seriously, glad to hear it, bro. I enjoy learning with and from you mutually.

    I wish I could have such bold confidence regarding God’s voice to me so that I declared it to the world as you do, but if I am honest, personally, I am really just making my best guesses in those regards. How do you know when it is Him with such surety? Is it audible? Is it a matter of faith? Am I getting hung up on rhetoric as usual? Peace, bro. 🙂

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