Today I won 500,000 dollars in a British lottery that I’ve never even played… Yesterday, I won millions of euros in the appropriately titled EuroMillions Jackpot. You may wonder, my loyal readers, why no exclamation points tag the end of my previous sentences.
Well, there is only one logical explanation. You are now reading the blog of an independently wealthy 29-year-old trust fund baby. In the past week, I’ve inherited over a billion dollars from long lost relatives, dying widows, and foreign bankers.
Raul Benzi, Moore Saint, and Alhaji Danco are just a few of the names of wealthy foreign friends that I’ve acquired in the last seven days. And apparently, my magnetism is not limited to worldly wealth. It also spills over into the cup of romance. For example, Princess Marry Johnson recently informed me that she needs a Prince Charming by her side and is willing to slip 8.5 million dollars into my pocket to be that hero on a white horse. Some people would call that a bribe. I would call that “the natural effect I have on women.”
In fact, these offers multiply daily. I’m inundated with love letters from princesses of exotic strange sounding countries that I’ve never heard of, offers to take over multi-billion dollar businesses from my numerous potential foreign brides’ fathers, and of course, chances to effortlessly make money from wildly generous bankers abroad.
As I type this, I can predict your overly protective reaction. “It sounds too good to be true, Rob.” Well, it’s not. Come over to my house. I’ll prove it to you, Doubting Thomas… The evidence piles up every single day in my hotmail account. All I have to do to be rich and famous is send them what they all ask for:
my credit card number…
and sometimes, my social security number…
and if I really trust them, a copy of my driver’s license and passport with my fingerprints and retinal scan data attached.